O'Donnell Olio

olio \ˈō-lē-ˌō\
  1. Olla Podrida
  2. a miscellaneous mixture : hodgepodge
  3. a miscellaneous collection (as of literary or musical selections)

Friday, December 29, 2006

Baby room update

Happy New Year, dear reader. We don't have any real news today, except to brag about our sweet new enormous dresser for the baby's room (show of hands: who is now officially sick of hearing people describe things as ginormous? The zeitgeist really spat that one in our faces this year, didn't it? In 2007, let's turn it around and start using egantic.)

There it is, to the right. We took advantage of a mad end-of-year clearance sale at Millstores, a really nice unfinished furniture store in Malden, MA. 40% off for a nice solid dresser. The knobs are sitting on top, but I'm not all that thrilled about the knobs that were included. We may look into some alternatives. I also have to sand down some of the sharp edges and stain and seal it. Not sure how dark a stain we should go for, if any. Any suggestions from the readership? The floor and wall are in the shot.

Other exciting baby room progress: we've ordered 100 square feet of foam tiles to cover the floor with for playing/crawling/falling down purposes. This weekend we're going rocker/glider shopping. I know certain parties are interested in seeing more room updates, so I'll keep posting them. Thanks to the rest of you for indulging us.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Referral!

It's been less than three weeks since the national office received our completed dossier. But on Sunday we opened an email from Pam announcing our referral of a baby boy. Wow!

He was born on November 5. He weighs 6 pounds (American babies are enormous compared to some other countries) and is 19.3 inches long. He's already in foster care and under the supervision of a pediatrician.

A caution: we can't be sure yet that this baby is our Ronald. International adoption is not predictable. We're trying to wait until the DNA test, a few months from now, to give our hearts to this baby. (DNA test ensures that the woman making an adoption plan for the child is indeed his birthmother; she will also reaffirm her decision to make that plan at the time of the test.) Until then, we'll call him "Ronald" but we mean "Ronald?". But he's cute. More pictures are posted on our picture-sharing website--if you don't have the address, email us and we'll send it to you.

Up next: tomorrow we bring his pictures and medical report to the International Adoption program at Children's Hospital for review by their doctor. As long as there are no surprises, we plan to accept the referral. More paperwork, notarization, and state seals. After that our documents will be translated and sent to Guatemala. It takes a while to move into the system, so we probably won't officially enter Family Court, the next big step, for about three months.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

An Ethical Adoption

Some of you may have read a recent article in the New York Times which must have been pretty upsetting to everyone who read it. As an adoptive parent-in-waiting, it was particularly upsetting to me in the way it implied that most adoptions of Guatemalan children are unethical.

I was disappointed in the Times; to start with, the reporter didn't do basic fact-checks which put his other conclusions at serious risk. The easiest whoops, which the Times has now corrected online, stated that the current President Berger signed the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoptions in 2002, when it was actually President Portillo. More damaging was the statement that "after years of legal challenges the nation’s Constitutional Court ruled definitively this year that the country must abide by it." That's just not true. The Guatemalan Constitutional Court had previously ruled that President Portillo's accession to the treaty was unconstitutional; their recent ruling says that regardless of the unconstitutionality, the current President cannot be forced to withdraw from the treaty. It's a complicated impasse, but should not have been papered over with that definitive but incorrect statement.

Why does the Hague treaty matter to Guatemalan adoption anyway? The Hague treaty does seem to want to help children. Unfortunately it has the same downside as another piece of well-known legislation that wanted to help children: the No Child Left Behind legislation. Both are unfunded mandates, meaning that significant rules are instituted with no additional funding to institute them. The Hague would require the government to take over all adoptions, but children in Guatemala whose families cannot take care of them do not go into foster care unless they are given into the care of a private attorney for international adoption. They grow up in orphanages and then are on their own at 18. The Hague would also strongly encourage domestic adoption options for all children to be exhausted before the children would be available for international adoption. But in Guatemala, domestic adoption is extremely rare because of cultural traditions, and holding every child for the rare domestic adoption would mean that the vast majority of children would spend more years in an orphanage.

A study released today on children in orphanages and adopted from orphanages in Romania showed that adoption increased the health and IQ of the children, especially when they were adopted before age 2. Anti-international adoption groups are already assailing the study, correctly assuming that it will be used to pressure countries to reopen international adoptions. Some people think that preserving the culture of the children is of paramount importance--this study shows clearly that with that goal they are sacrificing the health of the children. Therefore, implementing the Hague treaty in Guatemala (if the impasse is somehow solved) will very likely have unfortunate deleterious side effects on a large number of children.

The major theme of the Times story was baby-buying, and told a story of an unscrupulous attorney giving money to a birth mother in exchange for her baby so that the child could be adopted internationally. That story should be upsetting. I do not doubt that some attorneys and agencies are corrupt, or that some adoptive parents are desperate, clueless, or careless enough to accept the referral of any child. But responsible adoptive parents should choose their agency carefully. We did serious homework before we chose, and our agency has a long history of ethical international adoption. They continue to work in countries where the international adoptions have been closed, for the sake of the children, and they are non-profit. They run background and reference checks on their attorneys, and those attorneys are responsible to direct supervisors in Guatemala and the U.S. supervisors who frequently travel there.

This whole post means: we are neither desperate nor clueless, and we do care very much that our adoption is conducted in an ethical fashion. It was insulting to us and to many other ethical adoptive parents, agencies, attorneys, and notaries for the Times to publish such an inflammatory article which suggests that an ethical adoption from Guatemala is not possible. However, these articles seem to come out about every six months. Consider them rebutted. We have done our homework, we are behaving responsibly, and our Ronald will NOT have been bought.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Note

One thing I really like about this town we live in is that it can afford to have an ice cream truck that is actually in tune. Listening to Pop Goes the Weasel all day is bad, but listening to Pop Goes the Weasel 20 cents flat, like in our old neighborhood, is akin to torture.

Not only that, but the Brookline ice cream truck splurged and went ahead and bought the extra octave for its organ. So now, when it plays Turkey in the Straw, when it gets to the "on down the road" part, it plays the low notes instead of faking it with the same notes an octave up.

When you're working at home with the windows down all day, this can make a real difference in your quality of life.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Second Interviews

Yesterday morning we had our individual interviews with Pam. They were about an hour and a half each. Basically we talked about things we had discussed in our autobiographies. Pam was particularly impressed with the quality of Jim's autobiography: apparently husbands don't generally measure up to his standards, but we always knew he was exceptional.

We're still finishing up our reading and some small bits of homework, but soon we'll be scheduling another meeting with Pam, this one an educational meeting, and then she'll come to our apartment for the final meeting of the homestudy. Then we'll be busy for a while gathering documents for our dossier.

Before our niece was born, my sister and her husband struck upon the great idea of coming up with a placeholder name for her to use instead of the baby. The placeholder name was obnoxious enough that they would never be tempted to use it for real, and it had the added benefit of putting strange looks on the faces of nosy strangers. We thought this was a great idea. Therefore, we will be referring to our kid as Ronald, because Ronald O'Donnell is just terrible. Not to worry, friends and family, it won't stick.

Sunday, July 2, 2006

Reading List

By this point my husband has observed that I was born to be an adoptive mom. I love the background reading, the time scheduling, and the lists (yay, lists!). So Pam gave us a recommended reading list, which I have now finished and have whittled down for anyone else who is interested (although if you live in Boston, you may need to wait until Jim returns them to the library).

A primary theme running through these books is that although birth and adopted children are loved the same, they are not the same. The joy of an adoptive family is by necessity preceded by great loss for the adopted child, and acceptance of the child's grief about that loss by the family is very important.

So here's Reb's list of recommended reading:

"Twenty things adopted kids wish their adoptive parents knew" by Sherrie Eldridge;
"Communicating with the adopted child" by Miriam Komar;
and the classic in the field,
"Toddler adoption: the weaver's craft" by Mary Hopkins-Best

If you're interested in a bit more depth, "Talking with young children about adoption" by Mary Watkins and Susan Fisher also has a review of the historical research about adoptive families and some great discussions about how adoptive parents can handle difficult questions or situations with their kids.

Our next meeting with Pam is Thursday, July 6. In anticipation of that meeting we have now finished our Bethany-requested autobiographies (10 pages each). I'll check them off the list!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

The story so far...

We've felt for a long time that God's plan for us was to adopt our children. At the moment we don't have any, but we just signed on with Bethany Christian Services to adopt a kid from Guatemala. This blog is designed for our family and friends (you know who you are) to keep up with what's going on with our long, slow trudge through the international adoption process.

So far:

May: Attended a required informational meeting at the Andover, MA Bethany office. Received a preliminary application that we quickly filled out and sent back. Nothing much on this application beyond our vital statistics.

Preliminary application was approved, and we received the "formal" application a week later. This one was a lot more in depth; it read more like a college application: essay questions on why we want to adopt, whether we've had fertility issues in the past, personal and professional references, income levels, amount of debt we're carrying, past addresses, stuff like that. Oh, and a non-refundable $550 fee. The first payment of many!

June: Sent in the formal application. Quickly got an email from the director at the Andover office saying we were approved and would we please let her know when we would be free to come down for the first interview (there'll be three of them).